Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
