You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.