I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.