i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.