I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.