True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
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Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.