i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
