If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me