I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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