We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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