The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
