I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
