I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
