At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
