his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
