Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
