She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
