If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I need to calm my uterus...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
