So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
