you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
