whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
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Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
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This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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