the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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