Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
