At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
