NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We talked him into tasing himself.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
