all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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