I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
