WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
