I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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