Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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