I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
