He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
