I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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