i may or may not be watching the land before time
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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