This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
