Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
