'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
