I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
