i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
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so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
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Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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