You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
how can u be prego again
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
