I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I love having hate sex.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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