If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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