then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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