batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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