you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
