SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
