dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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