He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
