I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize