Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
what day is it and did you see me today?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
