So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
