the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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