Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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