I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
