I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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