I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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