omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
