Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Barsexuality is the new black.
you win again, gameday.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
