I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
