I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
