Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
whose ass print is on the piano?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
