I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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