Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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