I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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