I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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