Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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