I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
