I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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