Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
