I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
