this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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