I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
