is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
