based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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