Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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