put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
